archives

crime

This category contains 130 posts

Fat Pills!

Back when I worked @ TMCCC, they decided they would hire field investigators.  Folks who would actually go out in the field to interact with the police, federal agencies, witnesses and suspects concerning our company’s credit card fraud.

Having been a licensed private investigator, process server and security guard, I felt I was ripe for such a job.  The company dangled field positions over the we-call-center-interview-and-interact-via phone-folks for years.

Corporate then hired outside retired law enforcement as field agents!  Quelle surprise.

Fortunately, most of them became good work friends.  It was noted that corporate then ran their asses off, spreading their talents and abilities way too thin!  Made us thankful we didn’t make the cut.

They did keep the guys pretty busy.  Our office was responsible for accounts in the United States west of the Mississippi River, and I think we finally had four field agents!  One alone for California.

One of the guys – I’ll call him John – when I met him was a short, round guy.  Seriously.  Round.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve had weight issues for years, but I’m 6′ 3/4″ (on my good leg) and have been 350 pounds!  I’m now significantly less – 240 – ish.

But John was something like 5′ 5″ and maybe 300 pounds, on a good day!

John had worked for the Cook County Attorney’s Office, then was medically retired, as he had been shot.

A spherical, but genuinely nice guy.  I think his excess weight saved his life.

THEN, I didn’t see John for about six months.

And John stops by the main office.  The only way I recognized him was his large, brown mustache and beaming countenance.

He looked to be a ‘normal’ weight for someone his height!

I had to ask him, “Have you been ill?”

He responded no, he had stopped taking fat pills!

He further explained that as an Illinois State Investigator, he (like many of those in blue uniforms) developed an affinity for doughnuts!  It had become more than a habit, it had become an addiction!

So he simply stopped eating doughnuts.  Cold jelly.

And the weight just fell off him.  He swore he would never eat another one.

I’ve not seen him since I left the company five years ago.  I hope he has kept his promise.

doughnuts

FAT PILLS

Miami Vice Redux?

I LOVE(D) MIAMI VICE! (the TV show – the later movie, not so much)

The girls, the guns, the music, the gritty (for then) plot lines.  Being a young married guy at the time, who was shooting I.P.S.C. on Thursday nights, Friday evening was just right for kicking back and imagining my suburban life rebooted as Sonny Crockett.

NBC program director Brandon Tartikoff had put out the request for a new show with the memo:  Give me MTV Cops!

I’d admired the lead actor Don Johnson since A Boy and his Dog, and the fact Michael Mann (the producer/creator who had done the film Thief) hired experts to show the actors proper gun handling and techniques made this TV show too cool.  The Galco custom holster, the Bren 10 pistol (used by Johnson one year, until they could no longer get magazines!), the ubiquitous Weaver stances, Jan Hammer’s music…

Now. Johnson (@ age 64) is himself envisioning a Miami Vice reboot!

The stubbled star talks about being showered with women’s underwear and why the Reagan-era series is ready for a reboot (Rolling Stone)

I loved the show, but, what are they going to call it – Geriatric Vice?

h/t Jerry the Geek

Stolen Valor

Courtesy of ENDO…

This tool. Derp:

Stolen-Valor-memeThere are few things lower than stolen valor.  It’s even more irritating when these idiots don’t even do proper research like in the video. *smh*

It’s too bad there are laws that would get people in hot water, for making douchebags like this drive home naked (at the very minimum).

As a 102nd Chairborne Ranger keyboard black ops veteran, I take people who pretend they are bloggers VERY seriously. (end)

 

As for me, I was never in the military – not for lack of trying.  But my disability was too much for them, even at the height of Vietnam.  My paternal grandfather was a Marine, and I aspired to follow in his footsteps.

But it was not to be.

I’ve thought, on occasion, about buying one of those sets of sweats.  You know, with the word MARINES emblazoned on it.  To honor him and all who have served.  But I cannot bring myself to do it.  Not only do I not qualify (not being a former Marine, and all) but I would HATE to hobble around in them and have someone at the supermarket or gun show think I was some kind of wounded warrior!

How these bastards put on a uniform and medals they didn’t earn is just beyond me!  They are beneath contempt!

It’s too bad there are laws that would get people in hot water, for making douchebags like this drive home naked (at the very minimum).

Minimum indeed!

Ethics

We have been watching Madam Secretary, a new TV show this season on CBS.  At first, the idea of the show distressed me, because I was thinking it was a stalking horse for you-know-who, especially if it was produced in the manner of The West Wing (a show some years back with Martin Sheen as the Prez).

Fortunately, it doesn’t appear to a stalking horse.  However…

Episode 3 (shown last week) dealt with ethical issues.  In short, the Secretary’s husband, a university professor, was placed in the middle of a diplomatic crisis when an American (who was caught spying for the U.S. in Pakistan, from info from a Snowden-like leaker) was scheduled to be executed.  The professor could stop the execution by giving a Russian diplomat’s daughter an ‘A’ instead of her earned ‘C’, so the Russian would be convinced to give their version of an American missile to Pakistan (under the table, of course).  (Ah, diplomacy!)

The professor’s course was (ironically) in Ethics, and he said he would be violating all he stood for by giving this bribe so the spy’s life would be spared.

The Secretary of State (who was trying to manipulate the Pakistanis, the Russians and her husband) finally convinced her husband he would not violating his ethics if he allowed the Russian’s daughter to take an incomplete (after the approved time for grades), thus her grade point would not be affected, and she could retake the course.

And ultimately, the American would be freed.  And he was.

Now, I recognize this is only a television show.  And I recognize in the real world, many times things are shades of grey, rather than black and white.

But, this is being sold as okay?  Ethical?

At least we know where the ‘real’ Madam Secretary’s ethics stood.  She was fired as an attorney on the Watergate Committee for “lying and unethical behavior”.

And the second episode of the TV show was entitled “Another Benghazi”.

Hardly a stalking horse!

The Book Club

Because I’ve not guffawed in a while, a humorous submission - Guffaw

(stolen borrowed from The Political Commentator.  For some reason, I was transported back to junior high and the infamous book 50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makeit, illustrated by Betty Dont)

BOOKS YOU WILL NEVER READ!
And if you did they would be less than one page long!
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan
& Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” and “The Rev Al Sharpton”
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore and John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes and Rosie O’Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson and Casey Anthony
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK and DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
__________________________________
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And forward by
Tiger Woods with John Edwards
____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
___________________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
And the shortest book of them all…………………..
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama

No Credible Evidence

No evidence Oklahoma beheading linked to terrorism, police say

From MSNBC.  Who knew? (sarcasm)

Of course, the gov’t called the mass shootings at Ft. Hood workplace violence, too.

Wouldn’t want to upset the Muslim (Islamic fundamentalist version) folks.

SHARIA LAW IS COMING!!!!

Alton Nolen barged into an Oklahoma food plant Thursday, beheaded a woman and stabbed a second, police said. But he may have foreshadowed the attack months ago: In March, he posted a gory photo of a decapitation on Facebook, explaining that ‘Islamic terrorists behead their victims’ because of a ‘precedent bestowed by their Prophet.’

(New York Daily News)

behead

Naw, now I see it!  Workplace violence. (sarcasm)

I remember when I read The Warren Report and kept seeing the phrase ‘no credible evidence’ of conspiracy.

Nothing to see here, certainly not home-grown Islamofascist terrorism.

Yeah, right.

PS – IF we are ‘at war’ with Islamoterrorism, and Americans choose to align themselves with the enemy, isn’t that giving aid and comfort?  IOW TREASON?  Perhaps this is why the government is so slow to mark such acts as terrorism, and to treat them as civilian crimes?

One Criminal Bigot Down

Another (how many in the Administration?) to go!

Attorney General Eric Holder will announce later today his plans to step down, FoxNews.com has confirmed.
One hopes he steps down into a courtroom preparatory to his trial, but I doubt it!

holder

 

We Are Told, Part Deux

From Joel, in part:

‘Sovereign Citizen’ Terrorist Group May Be Growing in U.S.
American law enforcement officials view sovereign citizens as the No. 1 potential terrorist threat in the United States, according to a 2014 study.

For those who ask, “Uncle Joel, in your deep wisdom and experience, could you please explain the ‘Sovereign Citizen’ movement for your audience?” I must reply…

No. I really can’t. I’ve hung with these guys and I can’t tell you what it’s about. It’s sort of a cargo cult law-as-ritual thing where if you add this particular incantation to a legal document any judge in the land is forced to throw up his hands, exclaim “Curses, foiled again” and let you off to do as you will, and everybody knows about this one guy who did that and it worked. Somewhere. Fringes on flags in courtrooms have something to do with it. People have sat me down and tried very earnestly to explain it, but I’m hopeless as a lawyer. Or a whacko.

So Sovereign types as the #1 terrorist threat in the land? Having a hard time buying it. And the article’s narrative isn’t helping…

Certainly there are enemies of the Constitutional Republic.  Both foreign AND domestic.

Remember the Sons of the Gestapo, who pulled off the train derailment of The Sunset Limited in Arizona a few years back?  More like the Sons of the Pioneers!

Or perhaps the result of an agent provocateur in place, stirring up the faux-militia crowd.  You know, a community-organizer sent by government to enrage the weak-minded of the patriot crowd.

Remember your Criminal Law – When the idea of the criminal act originates with law enforcement, it becomes entrapment!

We DO have enemies – both foreign and domestic, including those who would foment crimes to solve them to make their stats look good!

These government agents, too, are enemies of the Republic.

Sons-of-bitches!

We Are Told…

While there ARE illegal aliens, undocumented workers, freedom-seeking wretched refuse who do enter this nation illegally searching for their American Dream, most are honest, hard-working folk.

Just like the folks who obeyed the law rules did it the right way.  Legally.  Right?

How can we tell – who is here with good intent, and who is a scofflaw smuggler cartel member just trying to have a better life escape?

Colorado (God Bless ‘Em) recently enabled such folks to obtain legal State-Issued driver licenses!  Just-in-case they were tempted to do something heinous, the documents were marked with a black band, lest they try to use their new ID to board aircraft, vote, or or enter a federal building unnoticed.

Of course The State (in their infinite wisdom) promptly posted regular Driver Licenses to about 524 applicants with the regular markings – sans the black identifying mark!

To amend their error, Colorado immediately requested such folks return them – even offering a bribe gift card as incentive!

What percentage did their civic duty and exchanged their erroneous ID for legitimate ones?

30%

I see this as a good approximation meter to measure the goodliness of those who have already broken the law to get here.  Who knows what else they will do?

h/t Murphy’s Law

 

Phil Brings It!

(as purloined from Random Nuclear Strikes…)

While writing about the NYT tale of how “Assault Weapon” is a term made to scare white folks, Surber refuses to hold the tough questions back.

Instead of going after the gangs, Urban Democrats go after the law-abiding citizenry, unconstitutionally banning handguns and the like until the Supreme Court’s Heller decision reversed that.

In politics, unintended consequences are rare. By going after the weapons white suburbanites and rural people enjoy, Democrats obfuscate the real issue: Black young men killing black young men for profit in cities controlled by Democrats.

Don SurberDo Democrats Care About Dead Black Men?

The answer is: Only if will help them get votes.

(Guffaw says) To be fair, every time this game has been played in a major metropolitan area in The United States (over the past 70 years) it hasn’t always been Democrats.  But it’s always been Progressives of some ilk.  And how have such policies worked in places like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles?

I’m not even expanding to discussing economies in such places as Detroit.

That’s for another blog.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas - how he got in my pajamas I dunno!" - Groucho Marx as Captain Spaulding in Animal Crackers

This election is not about who gets voted off the island.
It’s about who is at the tiller of this Republic’s Ship of State. - Guffaw

THE NOW SHAMELESS BLOGGER’S SURVIVAL FUND

Email

guffaw1952 (at) hotmail (dot) com

What ‘They’ Are Saying About Guffaw…

"Guffaw is 'controversial' " - Vietnam-era Green Beret 'Doc'

"One of my favorites, I love the old P.I. stories. They have a nice Mickey Spillane feel to them." - Siddhartha

"...an avid arms man." - Natalie

"Old Private Investigator Entertainment. OPIE" :-D - North

Liebster Blog Award

x 4 ! Thank you North, Tango Juliet, ProudHillbilly and Fill Yer Hands!

Profiles in Curry

The Book of Barkley

American Flag

Gibson

I Stand With Gibson!

Browncoat

Judy’s Salon

jatjfy (at) live (dot) com (480) 529-6133

Proud Blogfather of

Quizikle

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 315 other followers

The Four Rules

1. ALL GUNS ARE ALWAYS LOADED.

2. NEVER POINT YOUR MUZZLE AT SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO DESTROY.

3. KEEP YOUR FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER UNTIL YOUR SIGHTS ARE ON THE TARGET AND YOU ARE READY TO SHOOT.

4. KNOW YOUR TARGET AND WHAT'S BEYOND.

Certified EVIL!

FEAR

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Bene Gesserit, from Frank Herbert's Dune

Penn Jillette

“F**k Civility. Hyperbole, passion, and metaphor are beautiful parts of rhetoric. The marketplace of ideas cannot be toned down for the insane.” - Penn Jillette

Blog Stats

  • 152,530 hits

+ blog stats from the PREVIOUS Guffaw in AZ blog…

109,419

Copyright Notice

All original content on this web site is copyright (c) on date of publication by this author. All rights reserved, except that others may quote from the original content under the 'Fair Use' provisions of U.S. copyright law.

Financial Disclosure

I'm currently on disability, unable to work, and receive marginal benefits. I've been advised by SSDI I may receive some additional income. Based on their statements, I'm adding a bleg to this blog. Effective 03/06/2012. Thank you for your kindness.

In Loving Memory…

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 315 other followers