|…if the coffee is hot!|
I wrote earlier regarding my disdain for the lowly caliber .25 ACP.
Some folks took pleasant offense to this stance, suggesting variants of
Mark Moritz’ First Rule of Gunfighting.
1. Have A Gun.
In a gunfight, there is no second rule.
So, I started researching the Internet regarding this matter.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Yet More “Rules of Gunfighting”
You’re all familiar with the basic rules of gunfighting, the first of which is, of course, “Have a gun.” I cribbed these from last week’s Carnival of Cordite (where I was graciously mentioned, thank you, Gullyborg!):
US Marine Corp Rules for Gunfighting
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a “4.”
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot
Navy SEAL Rules for Gunfighting
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
I especially like Marine #5 — “Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” Reminds me of when I was first starting out in this stuff. I was, like, 29 years old and had just started “combat shooting.” I go out for burger and fries with a bunch of guys I shot with…one a SWAT commander; one a Vietnam Special Forces vet and two visiting Brit SAS guys. We’re sitting there eating the MacWhatever burgers and one of the SAS guys turns to the SWAT commander and says, “What do you think?” The SWAT commander quietly starts pointing out people, “Him first…head shot…head shot…double tap…double tap…” One of the SAS guys says, “Sorry, mate…the girl behind the counter…can’t see her hands, so she’s a head shot, too.” The other SAS guy pats me on the shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he says. “You’ll get used to it. Eventually, it won’t even feel weird.”
Michael Bane didn’t include the additional rules from Carnival of Cordite, not quoted in his post, to wit:
1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.
4. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
5. Locate individuals requiring killing.
6. Request permission via radio from “Higher” to perform killing.
7. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
8. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what’s on HBO.
4. Ask “what is a gunfight?”
5. Request more funding from Congress with a “killer” PowerPoint presentation.
6. Wine & dine key Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets “strategic” and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.
1. Go to sea.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Land the Marines.
(And in the interest of full disclosure: the old man spent 30 years in the Navy, and I spent 6 in the Air Farce, I mean, Force. – M. Bane)
(Not to mention Caleb Giddings, now (in)famous .25 Beretta and cup of coffee combo!)
Please address any in-appreciation of humor with the Messrs. listed above.
I wouldn’t approach Mr. Giddings, though, coffee is hot!
h/t Mark Moritz, Gullyborg, Michael Bane, Caleb Giddings