I’ve been posting much about the constant encroachment of BIGGOV, and it’s depressing me…
Fortunately, it’s time for Seasonal Humor! 🙂
Back-in-the-day, in a previous lifetime, I was married. And, ‘the wife’ and I, like most young married folk, were poor.
NOT living on the street-out-of-dumpsters poor, but we weren’t yuppies…
And we spent much of our free time off together window shopping. We would adjourn to one of the nicer malls and walk around, people watching, and looking agog at the clean, shiny goods in the various stores.
Most ALL of which we couldn’t afford. It was cheap entertainment.
Now, here it is 35-ish years later. I’m divorced (although my ex-wife lives about 1/4 mile N.E. of me, and we remain friends). And walking long distances on tiled concrete is not something my legs and feet tolerate very well.
SO, as with many other things, I ‘live’ on the Internet!
Now, the nice thing about this (aside from wearing boxer shorts whist ‘window shopping’) are the myriad of shopping locations – Amazon, EBay, L.L.Bean, Brownells, Duluth Trading, Dillon Reloading.
But wait, there’s MORE! (as they intone on late night TV).
and DUDE I WANT THAT! 🙂
Now I don’t know which came first – and I really don’t care (nor do I receive anything from them, FTC!), but these carbon copies of each other are wonderful merchants who market to MEN (and like-minded women) all manner of things through their respective retailers.
Subcategories in Uncrate
Subcategories in Werd
Just what every guy with spare funds needs to fritter about a weekend afternoon, purchasing everything from ecofriendly toothbrushes and razors, to rye whiskey and SUVs!
Or, if you are like me, just windows shops…
♫ Everything that’s old is new again! ♫
…or at least from friends and family! 🙂
Whenever I get a windfall, I usually spend it on bills. Or necessities. Groceries. Or one of those things, and perhaps a meal out.
This year, I did get a gift card or two, and some actual cash. Not a lot, but more than I had previously(!) I am blessed.
Instead of buying my annual collection of diabetic socks, or having a new edition of ‘Ed Sullivan’ (the really big shoe) built up, I opted for something a bit more frivolous.
Some time back, my roommate J gave me her old computer tablet. It worked for about four months, when the on-off switch went South. A common occurrence in this model, I’m told. Also $200 to repair! For a now three-year-old tablet.
For Christmas I bought myself an inexpensive, more up-to-date 9″ computer tablet! With Android KitKat 4.4!
It doesn’t have very good cameras (I have a cell for that!), and it’s not bluetooth compatible, but it’s MINE! Much lighter weight than the hand-me-down, fast, and with a quad processor.
Sadly, it’s of PRC manufacture.
But, with my gifts, I only had to pay the $7.98 for one day Amazon shipping! I figure, if it breaks in a week, I’ve had a new tablet for eight bucks!
Of course, as with buying a new gun, there are always tertiary accessories needed. A screen protector and protective case! (ordered this afternoon)!
I’m in whine mode.
(I know I said at the outset that I wouldn’t use this weblog for therapy, but, hell, it’s my blog, so here goes…)
Why? Not only do I not have any funds to get neat presents for friends and family, but, I’ve no one with whom to share the non-materialistic parts of the holidays. One terrific couple I know gifted me with a cool assortment of cheeses and beers (including Lindeman’s raspberry ale!), and all I could give them in response was a small bag of garlic goldfish.
Hardly an even trade.
I love my sister and her kids, and her kid’s kids dearly, but going to a family celebration alone with certain people in absentia is always painful.
Now it’s the downhill slide from the New Year, to Molly’s birthday, to the anniversary of the accident, in March.
We’re told the best way to get out of this kind of funk is to create a gratitude list. So here goes…
I’ve a roof over my head, and a working car. Thanks to my friends! I’m on Medicare. I’ve disability benefits, which, while in no way am I rich, I can buy food, gas, and pay rent. I’ve a select group of friends, both locally and on the Internet, who help out whenever they can. Many of these friends have gone above and beyond – for years – when I am unable to give back in kind.
This must mean something.
I’m disabling comments for this post. Because, in lieu of giving me an Internet “there-there”, or a virtual hug (or a kick in the pants), please stop for a moment and create your own gratitude list.
THE GARLIC GOLDFISH, LAUDED IN SONG AND STORY, HAVE ARRIVED!
Well, in a cheesy story, anyhow…
It seems once-upon-a-time, there was a lad who decided to make Chex Party Mix for enhancing his Christmas cheer. And it came to pass. And it was good. But at a Christmas party, he noticed that most folks were being selective in what they ate from the mix of Chex cereals, peanuts, pretzels and Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Cheese Goldfish Crackers. SO…
When it came time to make a subsequent batch, rather then spend all the extra money on the flotsam and jetsam which was being judiciously avoided, he just bought the goldfish crackers. DUH!
And not only was it good, it was BETTER!
And a Christmas tradition was born!
When I was employed, I used to bring gallons of the stuff into work. Beginning after Thanksgiving. People would approach me in September and ask, “Are you making goldfish this year for Christmas?”
The traditional Chex Mix recipe calls for an assortment of cereal and snack goodies, marinated in a couple tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce and margarine, dashed with a bit of garlic powder, then baked until crispy.
I’m rarely subtle.
I modified the recipe to a half stick of margarine and enough Worcestershire sauce to make about 1/2 inch deep in the bottom of a frying pan. Heat moderately until simmering. Add garlic powder to taste. I usually add a healthy dose. (Suffice it to say we don’t have a vampire problem.) Then coat the crackers until they soak up all the sauce, and bake @ 350-375, turning often until dry and crispy. It’s okay if a couple burn a bit. Those are the BEST!
Serve with ice cold beer or soda, and watch the garlicphiles come out! They are hot immediately out of the oven – it’s wise to let them cool a bit.
(courtesy of The Feral Irishman) I wish I had THIS Elf On The Shelf!
And lest we forget those who gave us the gift of their full measure of their devotion…
I’ve nick-named myself ‘Last Minute Louie’. (Not as good as Guffaw, I know…)
That’s because things I dread, don’t like, cannot afford, etc, I put off until…
I was going to join Procrastinators Anonymous, but I never got around to it!
Usually, this behavior manifests in going to the doctor, doing taxes, stuff like that.
I LIKE Christmas, and I even enjoyed the last-minute fighting in crowds to get a gift for someone. Until I went on disability and had even less funds! I am scheduled to get paid the fourth Wednesday of every month, and the week prior is usually pretty spartan. And tomorrow is both Wednesday AND Christmas.
But, I got paid TODAY! (OO-RAH!)
So, the holiday spirit took hold and I bought a couple things for important people. And some muffins for breakfast!
So what if next month the bad week lasts a week-and-a-half (or two) instead of one?
(JUST TO BE CLEAR – not the act of giving thanks, but the whole holiday meme, thank you very much!…)
It all started when I was a tyke. My Mother had the audacity to give birth to me in late November! So my birthday often falls on-or-around Thanksgiving.
When I was younger, this meant friends and relatives got together
two three times in November, my birthday, turkey day and my Father’s birthday – which is eight days before mine.
THEN, someone decided to meld the birthday’s and holidays, to make it easier on everyone. Of course, this usually meant turkey and all the trimmings for my birthday.
I loathe turkey! I wasn’t particularly fond on being the only child in a mass of dysfunctional adults, either! I DO like pumpkin pie, but I also like birthday cake, too. And some of the relatives.
So, you see the problem.
Fortunately, when I got older (much older, after I stopped working on holidays and some of the dysfunctional folks were absent) I could start my own
Thanksgiving birthday traditions.
This year, in spite of a number of polite invitations – including a vegan Thanksgiving – I had salad with Italian dressing, pepperoni pizza, and cheesecake. MMMMMMMM! In some past years I’ve made lasagna!
I hope you enjoyed whatever tripped-your-trigger last Thursday. I gave thanks for friends, family, this Constitutional Republic and no turkey.
Now comes the rapid downhill slide until Christmas…
(Insert your own Bah! Humbug! here, if you desire…)