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Donde’ Es Guffaws?

(Sorry, couldn’t find a way to invert the first question mark in the title field!)

It’s been a while…

You may have seen some of these before,

They are worth a second look!

After all, this IS Guffaw in AZ!

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How to Safely Clear Your Home

(from The Art of Manliness)

How to Safely Clear Your Home

Click on the above link – it’s a substantial article!

Slicing the pie

Of course, I suspect most of you out there have a passing familiarity with how to do this.  I certainly do.  When I owned my two-bedroom, one bath 740 sq ft house (for 18 years), I was a victim of three burglaries!  And I cleared the house after each one.

And I was WRONG in so doing!

THIS IS WHAT THEY PAY THE POLICE FOR!  My ego and sense of violation got the better of me.  AND, I taught in every one of my classes to leave the scene and call the police.

(Those who cannot do teach?)

Still, it’s good to have this knowledge.  What if no police are available?

But, regardless, it should only be done in exigent circumstances…

I Always Thought I Could Be A Comedian…

I didn’t necessarily WANT to be, but thought I could!

I always appreciated silly – The Marx Brothers, W.C. Fields, Abbott and Costello,‘It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’, Warner Brothers cartoons, Steve Allen. Ernie Kovacs.  Then, as I grew up, my tastes moved to The Firesign Theatre and Monty Python.  George Carlin was a god!

I remember returning from a long high school choir trip, standing in the back of the bus and mimicking Carlin’s first album for anyone who would listen.  Word for word, intonation for intonation.  The man taught me timing.

And then there’s Dennis Miller.  “I haven’t seen choreography like that since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer!”  In his own words, “Viva la referencia obscura!”

I began considering doing stand-up comedy in my mid-twenties.  After all, my good friend Biff Jannuzzi (who authored the one-act play about the Lincoln assassination ‘A Booth in the Back’), did it!   Then, I met a friend of his, Tom (a buddy of his in the local little theater group), who changed my mind.  I was quick, clever with a comeback, witty, and thought I was all that.

Tom was quicker, faster with a comeback and wittier.

So, Tom was a stand-up comedian? (You ask)

Nope.

He sold used cars at one of those buy-here, pay here joints.  Jake the Snake’s Garden of Gears!  Down in the sketchy part of town.

His talent and ability was ten times mine, and he was selling cars.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

“A man has to know his limitations.” – Inspector Harry Callahan

That 70’s Show, Now In Colorado?!

You guys know I love my TV and movies.

(I don’t get out much)

And we’ve been binge-watching wherever we can, awaiting the ‘new’ season to rear it’s ugly head.  Netflix and Amazon Prime are our friends!

We recently ran across The Ranch, on Netflix.

Not a great effort, perhaps, but a good one.

Danny Masterson (Hyde from That 70’s Show) and Ashton Kutcher (Kelso, from the same) star.  With the surprising additions of Sam Elliott (for the ladies!) and Debra Winger (in case you wondered what ever happened to her!)

Prodigal son returns to the ranch, after failing at semi-professional football, to be with his younger brother and curmudgeonly father (think Red Foreman), who need help running it.

But haven’t asked…

Winger is divorced from the curmudgeon and runs a local bar – but they still hook up every so often.  After a fight.

Small Colorado Western town hi-jinks ensue.

As it’s on Netflix, there is coarse language and jokes of a sexual nature.  And, for those w/o Netflix, it’s on You Tube!

Not exactly drawing room comedy, or high drama, but kinda fun.

Does Possession Of A Firearm Justify A Stop And Frisk?

(from Tamara, via FB)

No automatic alt text available.

Guy A. Relford

If you carry a gun, you should know that the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit has ruled that you have relinquished your rights under the Fourth Amendment (contrary to the holding of the Indiana Supreme Court).

Please share!

http://www.wibc.com/…/indiana-ag-citizens-dont-forfeit-thei…

(AND, the comment posted below which takes the Internets!)

Ed Blade Sooo…exercising one right negates another???

 

Rule 27

When Windows 10 has an update, if you are on a schedule, DON’T DO IT!” 😠

I was doing my morning routine, getting the PC ready for the next exciting installment of Guffaw in AZ, when a message appeared from Windows, offering me an update, or a post-ponement of said update.

It was early, I figured, “what the Hell…”  

TWENTY MINUTES LATER it reads ‘Working on updates 17%, Don’ the turn off your PC.  This will take a while. 

With the added joy of ‘Your PC will restart several times’ at the bottom of the screen!

GRRR

(But wait, there’s MORE!)

after about an hour…

FINALLY, it finished about an hour and a quarter after it began.  It would be nice if Windows warned you in advance of the time sink involved in a requested procedure!

Of course, I have additional commitments, so the planned blog post will have to wait…

Sigh…

Incoming @ 0400

I usually fall asleep between 1120 and midnight.  And arise between 0600 and 0700.

(NO, this is not an invitation to call!  I’ve my morning shower-dress-meditation ritual)

Rarely am I disturbed. (Insert joke here)  Except, of course, the battle sometime between 0130 and 0400 between my bladder and I.  Who IS Master of my bladder?  (It’s apparent, not me!)  😛

ANYWAY, my roomie and I share a ‘Jack and Jill’ bathroom.  And, with her sleep schedule, sometimes I hear her in the loo.  Sometimes I hear her TV.

This is not usually any big deal.

BUT, last night, after my traditional loss of the battle of wills with my bladder, I returned to bed, anticipating a return to sleep in a minute-or-so.  When BOOM!  Followed by yet another BOOM!  And another!

It was a bit after 0400.

I thought ‘great – I awakened my roomie’ and she turned on her television.  And was watching The Battle of Britain, or The Guns of Navarone! 

Too loudly.

But I was in error.

Usually, when she does that (a rarity) she hears the error of her way and turns it down in a few minutes.  The noises continued, unabated for at least twenty!

And, I knew it wasn’t yet Independence Day!

So, I bailed out of bed, listening to the ongoing explosions, crossed the no-man’s land of the bathroom, and rapped on her door.

Yes?  She replied.

I opened the door slightly and asked, “Is it you making all this noise, or is it the neighbors?”

She answered, “It’s the neighbors.  And I’ve already called the police on them!”

😛

About ten minutes later, the booming stopped.

Video gaming?!  The neighbor is a young woman who seems to have a revolving door of male roommates.  Perhaps this was one of them?

ANYWAY, back to sleep I went (at around 0500) and rolled out a bit after 6.

Somewhat tired.

I hope to get an afternoon nap later today.

Sigh.

“The New Phone(book’s) Here!”

Remember?  From Steve Martin’s “The Jerk”?

Well this isn’t about that.  Or how I used to collect telephone books (when I was a PI).  (I’ve already written about that!)

How to be a PI (Lesson 4) pre-1986

Thankfully, my life isn’t ALL Sturm und Drang…

Today, is IS about the new CELLULAR TELEPHONES.  😛

S8 vs S7

My roomie has me on her cellular account, and loves new technology.  Fortunately (for us), the company with whom she contracts allows us to change or upgrade our phones up to three times a year!  At no additional cost!

Conspicuous consumerism and largess?

YES!

(Frankly, if I were living alone, I’d still have a flip phone, and be paying through-the-nose for service!)

The other day she decided she wanted to upgrade, and asked if I wanted to, as well.  (It had been well over a year…)

Duh.

To be fair, I was perfectly happy with my Samsung Galaxy Note 5 (although, I rarely used the note part, many times I cannot read my own writing!)  But I’m certain it was clogged with unneeded and damaging apps, slowing performance, affecting memory and battery life.

At least that’s how I rationalized my decision!

So, off we went to the store…

About an hour and a half later, we left, each with a new Samsung Galaxy S8+ phone!  Of course, not unlike buying firearms, there was an additional charge for the ‘+’ part, as well as the new protective covers!  (J gets hers largely for style; mine so I won’t drop the slick S.O.B.!)  These new phones are never the same dimensions as the old – smart marketing on their part.

Thankfully, it wasn’t much.  We don’t have much.

How great is modern technology?  In a span of less than 20 minutes, the rep placed our old phones adjacent to the new, activated a procedure, and transferred all our telephone contacts, applications, photos, privacy settings etc. to the new phones!

Of course, there’s always tweaking.  Like changing the personalized ring and notification tones.  (J’s ringtone on my phone is the Looney Tunes theme.  Don’t tell her…  😛 )

Now if I can just learn all the new features before she wants another upgrade.

Sigh.

Truly, another First World problem!

(FTC – Samsung and the phone company give us nothing.  We pay (monthly) for everything!  Get your own phone!)

Yep. ANOTHER Robert

(Bet you thought I forgot!)

Long time readers of this blog may remember my Life is replete with folks named Robert, Bob, David, Dave and similar variants.

Why?  I’ve no idea.

I was thinking this morning about someone who may have been the first.

No, not the physician, Indian artist or mediator (as far as I know).

Yep.  His name was(is) Robert Davidson(!)

…and a meme began!

He pretty much raised himself.  His parents were older (and somewhat self-involved).  I’ve no idea what his mother did.  She seemed to be absent a lot.  His father was a retired Air Force Lt. Colonel.  He spent most of his time (when I saw him) drinking liquor in their living room (where we weren’t allowed) and listening to his music.  His older brothers led their own lives, and seemed to be tangentially involved with raising him, trading off duties as it were.

He had a younger sister with mental and physical issues.  She followed us around like a puppy.  The last I heard, she was living more-or-less on her own in assisted living.

But Robert had innate talents.  Auto mechanics, electronics.  And he was the first of our age on the block to do cool stuff.

Build custom bicycles, grow his hair long, get busted for shoplifting (and escape store custody!), smoke dope. (The first time he showed me a ‘baggie’, I thought great, I’m going to prison!) Joy-riding in his parent’s car, before he was licensed.  He spent a Summer stealing VW Bug engines, and never got caught!  (or so I was told…)

And the one that really ticked me off:  Became intimate with a girl.  This ticked me off because he was two years younger than I!

The last I heard, Robert got into computers and was working for the community colleges in this capacity.  With another of my friends (from the magic club) named DAVID!

See, it never ends.  😛

And, with all the Internet tools now available, I’ve been unable to reconnect with him.  Too common a name, I guess.  David is in the wind, as well.

Here We Go Again!

…or still.

(from FNC)

Now Moonbats Want to Banish Sam Houston Statues From Houston

Via David

http://www.houstontx.gov/parks/artinparks/imagesBig/SamHouston1.jpg

Liberal fascists must be running out of Confederate generals to banish to the memory hole. Now they are going after heroes of the Texas Revolution, starting at the top:

The Sam Houston statue has been at Hermann Park since 1925, but a group that calls itself Texas Antifa has started a campaign to take down this and any other landmark that bears the name Sam Houston. …

[Last] Thursday, the group posted on its Facebook page saying, “Texans agree the disgusting idols of America’s dark days of slavery must be removed to bring internal peace to our country.”

The group also suggested Mayor Sylvester Turner should back the removal of the statue, because of his ethnicity and political affiliation.

Turner is a black Democrat.

(Again, for the cheap seats)  EDITING (DESTROYING) HISTORY MAKES IT EASIER FOR TOTALITARIAN FORCES TO TAKE OVER.  Witness the PRC, North Korea, Vietnam et al.
Not to mention, Sam Houston brought so much more to history than being a slave owner.  Just as Andrew Jackson did to New Orleans.  Or George Washington to this Republic.
Wake up and stop these fascist control freaks!
I believe in the United States, warts and all…

"Round up the usual suspects."

In Loving Memory…