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SO…What Did The New Year Bring?

Let me preface this post with I don’t rarely get sick.

Seriously.

I had a minor bout of flu last Summer, for about three days.  I’ve not had a cold in YEARS!

I’d like to say it’s because of my healthy lifestyle, but, that would be a falsehood.  Because of my various ongoing ‘issues’, I get little exercise, and I eat the Standard American Diet (S.A.D.).  Pizza, bacon cheeseburgers, spaghetti (now called pasta), some beer, Mexican food.  If I eat veggies, it’s usually a salad, with Italian dressing, croutons and Parmesan cheese.

When I DO become ill, I usually don’t do it half way.  Diabetes, lymphoma, skin cancer.  And the whole fallout from that near-fatal auto accident some years back.

So, no one was more surprised than I when around Christmas, I began to wheeze upon exhaling.  Just a tiny bit, at the very end.  At first, I thought it was some fool revving his bike at 0600, while I was blogging(!) :-)

The Winter air quality in the Valley sucks – inversion, ya know!

Then, New Years Eve, I became congested, phlegmy.  No sore throat pain, just throat-clearing nonsense.  I thought it was a true cold, but, it just appears to be allergies, and reaction to the cold weather (28° F, in Phoenix this morning, cold and rainy New Years Eve Day!)

And this morning started with a minor sore throat and cough!

Guess it’s to the drug store pharmacy for Guffaw!

weezy

Having Gratitude Isn’t Always Easy

I’m in whine mode.

(I know I said at the outset that I wouldn’t use this weblog for therapy, but, hell, it’s my blog, so here goes…)

Holidays suck.

Why?  Not only do I not have any funds to get neat presents for friends and family, but, I’ve no one with whom to share the non-materialistic parts of the holidays.  One terrific couple I know gifted me with a cool assortment of cheeses and beers (including Lindeman’s raspberry ale!), and all I could give them in response was a small bag of garlic goldfish.

Hardly an even trade.

I love my sister and her kids, and her kid’s kids dearly, but going to a family celebration alone with certain people in absentia is always painful.

Now it’s the downhill slide from the New Year, to Molly’s birthday, to the anniversary of the accident, in March.

We’re told the best way to get out of this kind of funk is to create a gratitude list.  So here goes…

I’ve a roof over my head, and a working car.  Thanks to my friends!  I’m on Medicare.  I’ve disability benefits, which, while in no way am I rich, I can buy food, gas, and pay rent.  I’ve a select group of friends, both locally and on the Internet, who help out whenever they can.  Many of these friends have gone above and beyond – for years – when I am unable to give back in kind.

This must mean something.

I’m disabling comments for this post.  Because, in lieu of giving me an Internet “there-there”, or a virtual hug (or a kick in the pants), please stop for a moment and create your own gratitude list.

It helps.

More CHRISTMAS Guffaws!

treeseggnogold macsantasanta selfieAnd on the subject of SELFIES…

20141225_072509MERRY CHRISTMAS!

They’re HE-ERE!

poltergeist(No, not poltergeists.)

THE GARLIC GOLDFISH, LAUDED IN SONG AND STORY, HAVE ARRIVED!

Well,  in a cheesy story, anyhow…

It seems once-upon-a-time, there was a lad who decided to make Chex Party Mix for enhancing his Christmas cheer.  And it came to pass.  And it was good.  But at a Christmas party, he noticed that most folks were being selective in what they ate from the mix of Chex cereals, peanuts, pretzels and Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Cheese Goldfish Crackers.  SO…

When it came time to make a subsequent batch, rather then spend all the extra money on the flotsam and jetsam which was being judiciously avoided, he just bought the goldfish crackers.  DUH!

And not only was it good, it was BETTER!

And a Christmas tradition was born!

When I was employed, I used to bring gallons of the stuff into work.  Beginning after Thanksgiving.  People would approach me in September and ask, “Are you making goldfish this year for Christmas?”

The traditional Chex Mix recipe calls for an assortment of cereal and snack goodies, marinated in a couple tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce and margarine, dashed with a bit of garlic powder, then baked until crispy.

I’m rarely subtle.

I modified the recipe to a half stick of margarine and enough Worcestershire sauce to make about 1/2 inch deep in the bottom of a frying pan.  Heat moderately until simmering.  Add garlic powder to taste.  I usually add a healthy dose.  (Suffice it to say we don’t have a vampire problem.)  Then coat the crackers until they soak up all the sauce, and bake @ 350-375, turning often until dry and crispy.  It’s okay if a couple burn a bit.  Those are the BEST!

Serve with ice cold beer or soda, and watch the garlicphiles come out!  They are hot immediately out of the oven – it’s wise to let them cool a bit.

goldfishENJOY!

 

 

Seasonal Humor

 

It’s been awhile since we GUFFAWED, so here goes…

elfelvisgoregpshanukkah

Halloween 2014

halloween frazetta

by Frank Frazetta

Halloween was probably my favorite holiday – as a child.  When else can I go out at night, largely unescorted after I reached school-age, and extort goodies from as many neighbors as I could, all whilst my identity was hidden!

Living in a city-locked white-bread college town, possible dangers were negligible, and we could get popcorn balls and caramel apples along with the usual  candy bars and such.  I even remember returning home on one occasion to get a second bag!

Then, I became a teen, and my interests lie in other than candy…

Fast-forward to fatherhood, and escorting my tiny daughter in her princess costume to a few neighbors.  This evolved to letting her go out by herself, in costumes she herself had sewn and designed (Jean Grey from the XMen, for example).  Dad got into the act at work, oft winning department costume contests, using makeup, wigs, even shaving my head and/or face a couple of times to make a costume character come together!

After the accident, the holiday lost it’s appeal.  I dressed up a couple times at work – but my heart wasn’t in it.

I don’t even give out candy.  Getting up and down to answer the door is just too time consuming and physically difficult.

And besides, Jean Grey doesn’t stop by, anymore.

Do They Have A Fourth-Of-July In England?

Of course they do, you nit, it’s just not INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Here, we celebrate our freedom from government-imposed tyranny!

theo3

courtesy of Theo Spark

…or perhaps not.

(In addition to the constant video and audio surveillance, warrantless searches, police overreaching, Internet spying, illegal detentions, eminent domain theft, inability to defend ourselves, welfare statism, forced unionization, ad infinitum – ad nauseum.)

REGARDLESS, HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE INDEPENDENCE DAY!  I plan to read the Declaration of Independence aloud today, in it’s entirety, before doing so is also banned! – Guffaw

Auld Lang Syne

Tonight is New Year’s Eve!  (for those who just crawled out from under a rock where there was no Wi-Fi.)

The traditional celebration of the passing of the previous year, and the birth of the new.  Along with fond remembrance of times past.  This usually involves food and sometimes libations.

Please be careful out there, and if you drink, don’t drive (or text or phone!)  And watch out for those who have.

And take a moment to remember those who are no longer with you.  And love those who remain.

Because you never know…

Happy New Year! – President Signs NDAA 2014! We Continue To Get…

(insert euphemism for sexual insertion HERE)…and without having ever been kissed!

The House and Senate quietly passed it AGAIN, then The President signed it, AGAIN!

Not only is Gitmo not closed, but indefinite detention of American Citizens for ‘National Security’ purposes continues to be authorized!

AND…

The 2014 NDAA also includes a new provision that appears to bolster the national security surveillance state. Section 1071(a) authorizes the Defense Department to “establish a center to be known as the ‘Conflict Records Research Center’.” Using the dangerously broad terms now typical of national security policy parlance, the Conflict Records Research Center enables the DoD to compile a “digital research database including translations and to facilitate research and analysis of records captured from countries, organizations, and individuals, now or once hostile to the United States.” Who gets to be a surveillance target — the specific remit of “now or once hostile” — is troublingly ill-defined and unrestricted.

Quelle surprise.

h/t Sipsey Street Irregulars, Salon

About Today’s Holiday…

(courtesy of The Feral Irishman)  I wish I had THIS Elf On The Shelf!

christmas_by_jace_wallace-elfMERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!  Peace on Earth – Good Will Toward Men

And lest we forget those who gave us the gift of their full measure of their devotion…

arlington xmas

REMEMBER

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas - how he got in my pajamas I dunno!" - Groucho Marx as Captain Spaulding in Animal Crackers

This election is not about who gets voted off the island.
It’s about who is at the tiller of this Republic’s Ship of State. - Guffaw

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