They tell me cat videos are ubiquitous on the Internet…
Yep. Ol’ Guffaw is sixty-frickin’-three today!
It’s been said I don’t look a year over 68… :-)
Seriously, I’ve many gifts for which to be thankful…
A roof over my head
Family and friends
If I knew I would be living this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
Now, I figure a good burger or pizza, with an occasional beer is better than a skinless chicken breast or tofu with green tea.
I know I probably won’t live as long, but I will enjoy it more.
“How much fail can there BE in one photo and paragraph?” – paraphrasing ‘Chandler Bing’ (the Matthew Perry character on TV’s Friends)
Now, you guys KNOW I’m no tool guy, and even I saw the ridiculousness of this image and comment. ‘Automatic assault rifle’ verbiage, aside…
‘Did some research’? Seriously?
My Dad loved ARIZONA. He was born in Rhode Island, and lived in Connecticut, but we moved out here for my Mother’s health (she had emphysema – better breathing) in 1955. Obviously long ago (the air is much more polluted now!)
And we took many road trips to learn about our new State, it’s culture, geography and history. Flagstaff, Tombstone, Montezuma’s Castle, Tuzigoot, Nogales, Horse Thief Basin, Tortilla Flat (yes, it’s a real place!)
And, whenever we saw this sign during our travels, my Dad would always regale us with the tale of the forever-missing Indian, Falling Rock.
Of course, sometimes reality reared it’s ugly head…
We were never hit – heard a few clunks over the years, though!
Wirecutter – thanks for the memory flogger!
The JOY of misinterpreting electronic surveillance!
Must have had limitations in the fine print!
THE STELLA AWARDS
Only in the USA___________For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off thecoffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that makeyou scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.Here are the Stella’s for 2015 !!!!* SEVENTH PLACE *Kathleen Robertson of Austin, TX was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own.Start scratching!* SIXTH PLACE *Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, CA won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there wassomeone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.Scratch some more…* FIFTH PLACE *Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, PA, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.Forced to sit for eight, count ’em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’sinsurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.Keep scratching. There are more…Double hand scratching after this one* FOURTH PLACE *Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, AK, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard.Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.Pick a new spot to scratch, you’re getting a bald spot..* THIRD PLACE *Amber Carson of Lancaster, PA because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.Only 2 more so ease up on the scratching…* SECOND PLACE*Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000…oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.Go figure.Ok. Here we go!!* FIRST PLACE *absolutely brilliant!This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was:Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and over turned.Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, ** ARE YOU SITTING DOWN ? **** $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. **Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.If you think the USA court system is out of control, be sure to pass this one on.
I don’t think there’s really anything I could add.
h/t Doc in Yuma
Not so fast there, bucko!
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back
of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches
2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would
never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an
average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and
“lollipop” with your right.
The average person’s left hand does 56 % of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a
chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every
letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read
left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”:
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
There are two words in the English language t hat have all five vowels in
order: “abstemious” and “facetious”.
There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise
it will digest itself.
There, now you know everything!
h/t Doc in Yuma
Because everyone else over 2 years old knows!
h/t The Feral Irishman
(apologies to Monty Python fans who thought this post was about them!)
Long time readers (all 6 of you) probably remember I was once an amateur/semi-professional magician, and that magic is a memory of my youth that warms my heart. With that in mind, please enjoy the following:
(BTW, Harrison Ford uses language NSFW!)
h/t Doc in Yuma
It’s been quite a while since I posted something FUNNY.
With that in mind, please enjoy the following…