archives

humor

This tag is associated with 130 posts

More Spam!

I don’t check my weblog spam file very often.  (or my email account spam, truth-be-told!)

If I somehow missed a legitimate comment by you, my apologies.

The reason(s) I don’t check:  here is a sampling from the current spam listed:

  • porn videos
  • naked free webcam girls
  • If you’re like most of my clients, you want to shine more attention on your Social Media presence.If that’s the case, let me take your Social Media Marketing over the TOP!Our Promotion Packages:
  • viagra pills for sale in canada/Online casino & Gambling Industry Numbers Revealed
  • Benefits additionally must be redistributed and workers want
    to pay attention to the tax and retirement
    consequences to getting an unplanned money infusion, it is not really
    a bonus.

Yeah, none of that interests me.  Especially when the social media spam is a comment on a post from years ago regarding a .44 Special revolver.

Besides, I’m nowhere near Canada!

😛

Who Am I?

I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.

I was born white, which makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am older than 55 and semi retired which makes me a useless old man.

I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which makes me anti-social.

I, and my friends, acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I’m not sure who I am anymore!

And now I don’t know which bathroom to use anymore….

H/T Doverthere, Theo Spark

From The Desk Of YOUR NAME HERE

When I was a kid, and moving into my teen years, I did magic as a hobby (and later, semi-professionally).  As recounted in these pages.  (Magic, The Magic Club)

And, pre-Internet, there were mail-order catalogs with all manner of tricks and novelties available from across the nation.  Even the world.  And I would spend my meager allowance on as much as I could afford.

One magic and novelty company (Elbee Magic Co.) had a huge catalog, and included among the trick card decks and whoopee cushions were things like vinyl record albums, and promotional posters.  Showing folks like The Beatles, live at the London Palladium featuring YOUR NAME HERE!

How cool was that?  I could get a wall poster or even a vinyl record printed as though I were co-starring with The Beatles!  Featuring Guffaw!

I never did, though.  I was more interested in getting the playing cards.

And, time passed, and the magic company eventually went out-of-business.  And I thought, so much for THAT idea…

Here it is 2016.  The Internet is in full force, and I can (and do) send emails to politicians I hope listen to me and vote accordingly.

Yeah, right…

Sometimes, I receive a response.  Like those from Senator McCain’s office a month or two after the fact!

My congressperson is Kyrsten Sinema (D).  Aside from sometimes supporting the troops (she reportedly comes from a military family), she mostly is a big government liberal.  A (D) after her name.  Quelle surprise. 

But being significantly younger than McCain, I had expectations she would be more tech-savvy.  At least it generally only takes her a few days to a week to respond to emails I send.  Even though in matters of individual liberty we rarely agree.  Gun control, anyone?

Here is the last (form) letter I received from her (in part).  In fact, I received TWO copies.  So much for tech-savvy…

July 29, 2016

Mr. Guffaw
Wrong Street Address
Flotsam’s Mistake, AZ XXXXX-XXXX

Dear Mr. Guffaw,

Thank you for contacting me about TOPIC. I always appreciate hearing from Arizonans about issues facing our state and country. It is important that we have conversations about topics that are important to you and your family, and I hope you will continue to reach out to me to share your perspectives and suggestions.

Thank you for contacting me about TOPIC?!  Seriously?

Considering this was all electronic, one would think at least the address would be correct?

Maybe I’ll send the next one from YOUR NAME HERE.

It would be fun getting a letter addressed to YOUR NAME HERE, regarding TOPIC!

😛

(apologies to G. Carlin for using his terrific fictional town name Flotsam’s Mistake, in lieu of the real town.)

Cross Your Fingers…

Light a candle, knock-on-wood, something…

As The Old Man posted

Oh Yeah!

I am so liking this underlying sentiment of one of the LA “What-Time-Is-It?” editorial:

The European Union just lost a sixth of its economy, roughly akin to Florida and California seceding from the United States.

Sounds like a good idea to me. but there is no chance of existence for state/nation that Charlie-Foxed.  Fortunately  England proper will rediscover the spirit of te Blitz.
as veritas.
I don’t see us getting that lucky.  If New York  and Illinois joined the succession movement,  the American homicide rate might halve.  If we could add Joisey, DC and Oregon…..The mind boggles.

But as usual they bugger it up.  (This is my shocked face…)  It’s amusing how many TPs/hotDemocritter talking points are nailed..
As usual, the little guy is shafted.

We can dream, can’t we?
Alaska, Texas…?

WD-40

I’m not a big scent kind of guy.  Clean, not to chemically-obvious, works for me.  (I’ve written about women’s perfumery before!)

With regard to things chemical, I DO like Hoppe’s #9 Powder Solvent.  If women used THAT instead of a 55 gallon drum of Froo-Froo#9, I know I’d like them better!  I’m certain long exposure to the fumes is not healthy, though. 😦

Long exposure to women is still under discussion…

Another firearms-related chemical scent I like is that of WD-40.  I’m certain that’s because it sparks memories of my early gun days, and trying to loosen and clean stuff.  And lubricate and coat…

Fun fact – it’s made from fish oil!

Of course, experience has taught me it doesn’t last on bearing surfaces, like slide to frame.  And it’s death to live primers.  I changed to lithium grease long ago.

Still…

scents

wd39

 

“Don’t Go! It’s A COOKBOOK!”

to serve man

I awaken middle of the night and I’m cold.  Not just cool – cold.  This may have something to do with the fact that I’m laying on top of the top sheet, and not wearing much.  (I know – TMI)

Why am I doing this?

Well, I reside in The Valley of the Sun (the Phoenix Arizona area).  And we’re experiencing a cold streak.  It’s reportedly going to be 103° F, today.

It was 118° a week-and-a-half ago!  (Unofficially at a friend’s – 123°, on his back patio!)

And being in the Western side of the townhouse, I get the PM Sun exposure.  Usually 5 – 10 degrees warmer than the rest of the house!

SO…I sleep with a fan blowing directly on me, so the A/C may do her best work!

But, the body cools during sleep, and sometimes the combination of forced colder air and a cooler body equals…?

NO, this is not a replay of the Rod Serling Twilight Zone episode wherein the Earth’s orbit changed, and it is moving ever-closer to the Sun.  When, in fact, the TV character’s fever broke and he began getting colder, and in fact the Earth was moving AWAY from the Sun!

I was just getting cold last night.  So I moved the fan.

Which has nothing to do with the post’s title, except that’s another TZ episode.  The tag line from which popped into my head upon awakening cold. 🙂

My roommate said I watched too much TV as a child.  I’m beginning to think she was right.

Sometimes these posts write themselves!

An Absence Of Guffaws

I’ve not posted any ‘funnies’ in a while.  Probably because things aren’t particularly funny.

Increased financial obligations at home, same chronic conditions, not getting any younger.  Same beat-up 2000 Oldsmobile.

Oh, and a sad Presidential election looming.

Having said THAT, here’s something(s) you might find amusing:

fire

porcupine

sumo

sunny and share

target cut

Hope these brightened your day!  –  Guffaw

h/t Dave the mechanic

______________________________________________________
(And, now for something completely different – as promised)
I would ask all of you bloggers out there to at least make the effort to post a link to www.projectwelcomehometroops.org/#22kill

22 VETERANS COMMIT SUICIDE DAILY

Even ONE of these heroes making this choice is unacceptable! (Day #8 of 22)

Rational Thinking And Compartmentalization

♫ Take This Job And Shove It ♫

I ain’t workin’ here no more!

Prior to my almost twenty-two year stint @ TMCCC (that major credit card company) as a credit card fraud investigator, I held FORTY JOBS(!)

Beginning at age 16.

I don’t know if it was immaturity, or low pay/no benefits, or just the wrong fit.  Not everyone is right for every job.  Some jobs I quit, some was fired, some laid-off.  In many I was quite angry at the way things were managed.  And I left – one way or another.

BUT, I never considered THIS:

Of course, I never won the lottery, either!

h/t Irish

Phteven

Because I’ve not guffawed in a while, and need to…

77b5468af296a7c49458

h/t Wirecutter

"Round up the usual suspects."

In Loving Memory…

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 396 other followers