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humor

This tag is associated with 106 posts

For Those Just Arriving From The Equator

Because everyone else over 2 years old knows!

h/t The Feral Irishman

And Now, For Something Completely Different…

(apologies to Monty Python fans who thought this post was about them!)

Long time readers (all 6 of you) probably remember I was once an amateur/semi-professional magician, and that magic is a memory of my youth that warms my heart.  With that in mind, please enjoy the following:

(BTW, Harrison Ford uses language NSFW!)

h/t Doc in Yuma

Guffaws, Please!

It’s been quite a while since I posted something FUNNY.

With that in mind, please enjoy the following…

worry

work

witch

who

websites

 

h/t Dave

Minus Another Firesign

It was reported 0619 that we lost yet another member of The Firesign Theatre comedy troupe.

This time, it’s PHIL AUSTIN, the voice of Private Nick Danger – Third Eye

Phil Austin, dies at 74; voice of Firesign Theatre’s Nick Danger (link)

Even though I was growing up ‘in the 60’s and 70’s’, I was never a drug culture kind of guy.  But, that didn’t mean that I didn’t appreciate their humor.  (Sometimes, alcohol was involved, though!)  Being a fan of PI fiction and wanting to become one (I eventually did) added to the joy brought by The Firesign Theatre.

RIP Phil.

I guess we’re all eventually bozos on this bus, eh?

h/t Dave the mechanic, LA Times

Florida Man Caught On Video Dancing Atop Deputy’s Cruiser

Man claimed he was threatened by vampires, authorities say

 

In the opinion of blog contributor/reader Tomi…

I would like to point out, that he was apparently successful in scaring away any vampires in the area.  But did he get any thanks?  No!
It’s a shame that such a public-minded citizen would be arrested for his efforts!!
(Methinks he was probably “attacked” by several “Vampires” a bit before the incident.  You know, the kind made of tequila, tomato & citrus juices…)
I’ve never had such a concoction.  It does sound lethal.  Or otherworldly…
h/t Tomi, Orlando WKMG

Ed Sullivan II !

The really big shoe, the sequel!

I’ve been in need for a replacement big shoe for over seven months, now.  Bought the shoes, but simply didn’t have the funds to get the orthopedic build-up needed.

Until a couple weeks ago.

I now present to you, Ed Sullivan II, the sequel!  :-)

20150522_081833Funny how the shoes wear-out on the inside, and I started walking crooked without even knowing.  These new shoes are like having new legs!

HUZZAH!

Well, It’s That Time Again…

I’m feeling the need for a good few GUFFAWS!  Frankly, It’s been too long.

cubs gorilla hoa kitten lewisHope you all got some chuckles out of these! – Guffaw

Canine Of Interest!

Some time back, I wrote regarding the cat, and her predilection to walk, stand and suddenly change direction in front of a cripple (THIS cripple) whilst I trying to descend the staircase.  Or walk anywhere.  I came to the conclusion that she was trying to murder me, and, that if I were found at the bottom of the stairs, she should be considered a feline of interest!

Of course, as she has gotten older (and larger – resembling an 18″ long beanbag) these attempts have lessened.

Lulling me into a false sense of security, as though I’d been forgotten.

20150406_094310

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Enter into this equation the puppy dog.  Now just over a year old, a wiggly, wriggly, jumpy, licky, all manner of puppy.

20141024_211615

False sense, I’m tellin’ ya!

The other day, in a surprise search of her kennel, THIS was discovered:

20150405_175531

(For the uninitiated) a shiv!  A makeshift knife, manufactured through gnawing on a piece of disposed-of plastic cutlery.

Of course, she denies any complicity in the making of this implement, and continues to be all licky.  As if she and the cat aren’t in this together!  (She LOVES the cat!)

SO, if I’m found at the bottom of the stairs with such an implement imbedded in me, you know whom to question – both the cat AND the puppy!

I’M WATCHING YOU!

(Seriously, pets are the greatest!  Just ask Brigid.)

The White Man’s Burden

I think that was first labelled as such by Rudyard Kipling.

Borepatch led me to Goober’s thoughts on the matter…

Goober on “Social Justice Warriors”:

You take a guy that lived his entire life in the Amazonian jungle, fighting for every meal he’s ever eaten, making his own living/clothing/abode/etc at huge expense of labor, and living every day with the fear of that next cut becoming septic and killing him, or that next sniffle being the cold that brings him down, or the next monsoon not being monsooney enough and his family starving to death, and you give him a pair of Levi jeans, some tennis shoes, a first world education, and modern medicine, and HE WILL CUT YOUR FUCKING THROAT before he will let you stick him back in that jungle.

But SJWs want to keep him there, unmolested by western “cultural pollution” like modern medicine and central air conditioning, in order to “preserve his culture”, without giving him an educated say in the decision at all.  More of that SJW superiority.

This idea of “allowing the brown people to stay in their place” smacks an awful, awful lot like “keeping the brown people in their place.” (end)

I had two directions I wanted to address this.  One was simple agreement with Goober, (with perhaps a tip of the Hatlo hat to Firesign Theatres’ Temporarily Humboldt County*), the second going sideways regarding the invention if the term Social Justice Warriors, aka SJWs.  Conservative/libertarian/gun culture shorthand.

Not unlike JBTs for Jack-Booted Thugs.

And I’m not even touching the Star Trekian Prime Directive, or Jean-Jacque Rosseau’s ‘Noble Savage’ meme

“All over the map – Geez, he’s all over the map!”  (from inside most of your heads)

I’m still dealing with this sinus/throat thing.  Forgive me.

*FREAK: Hey, man! Don’t let him bring you down, now. There’s a lot of young people in this country, just like myself, who really know where the Indian’s at. And don’t worry. Soon we’re all gonna be out here on the Reservation, livin’ like Indians, ‘n’ dressin’ like Indians and doing all the simple, Beautiful Things that you Indians do. Hey – got any peyote? (link)

Customer Service

Is it out there, anymore?

I remember my Father ranting about the dearth of customer service when I was a teenager – and that was in the 60’s.

Back then a guy in a uniform (or at least a uniform shirt) filled your tank, checked your oil, and cleaned your windshield.  And no tip was asked or expected.  Now, IF there’s a monitor/cashier at the self-service gas station behind the bulletproof glass, it’s an effort to get them to look up from their graphic novel to take your card for purchase.

And waiters/waitresses?  One would think when they are first being trained, they would be instructed that the more courteous and efficient they are, the better tip they will receive.  But most these days are barely capable in getting your food to you at all.  Need extra napkins or a refill on that beverage?  Good luck with that.

And getting the order correct in the first place?  Fuggedaboutit!

Retail stores?  Just try to find someone who has any idea where stock might be, or even be able to direct you to it.

Call centers?  Pshaw.

And we who chat regarding firearms on the Internet are familiar with H & K’s (in)famous lack of customer service.

One word.  OBAMACARE.  And government services in general.

And, while I’m on the subject – do any of these aforementioned folks speak American English?  This assumes I don’t have to migrate through a computer-generated menu prompt resembling a RPG in Urdu to get to a human.

Sigh.

We now return you to your post-holiday festivities.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas - how he got in my pajamas I dunno!" - Groucho Marx as Captain Spaulding in Animal Crackers

This election is not about who gets voted off the island.
It’s about who is at the tiller of this Republic’s Ship of State. - Guffaw

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The Four Rules

1. ALL GUNS ARE ALWAYS LOADED.

2. NEVER POINT YOUR MUZZLE AT SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO DESTROY.

3. KEEP YOUR FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER UNTIL YOUR SIGHTS ARE ON THE TARGET AND YOU ARE READY TO SHOOT.

4. KNOW YOUR TARGET AND WHAT'S BEYOND.

Certified EVIL!

FEAR

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Bene Gesserit, from Frank Herbert's Dune

Penn Jillette

“F**k Civility. Hyperbole, passion, and metaphor are beautiful parts of rhetoric. The marketplace of ideas cannot be toned down for the insane.” - Penn Jillette

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